Certificate
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'
Ticket
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police offer. The following exchange takes place... The man says "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir. I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. Your were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.} Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail Light! Wife: Oh, Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells, "Shut your damn mouth!" Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife: "No, only when he's been drinking."
Cure for migrane
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and phycial, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and still no improvement."Listen," says the doctor,"I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that i've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water. I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immdietely gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It really works! I've had migraines for 20 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!""Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help.""By the way, Doctor, "the patient adds, "You have a really nice houce."
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'
Ticket
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police offer. The following exchange takes place... The man says "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir. I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. Your were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.} Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail Light! Wife: Oh, Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells, "Shut your damn mouth!" Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife: "No, only when he's been drinking."
Cure for migrane
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and phycial, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and still no improvement."Listen," says the doctor,"I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that i've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water. I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immdietely gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It really works! I've had migraines for 20 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!""Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help.""By the way, Doctor, "the patient adds, "You have a really nice houce."
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